Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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