I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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