mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
