What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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