I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
