i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
