If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My life is pants optional.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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