Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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