FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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