your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
