I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
