she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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