i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
