I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
