I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
