I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will pee on everything he values.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
