I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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