In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You can't motorboat a personality
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
