I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
