She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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