O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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