Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
