i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
