He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
