the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
