laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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