jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
