Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
