I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
