Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
