i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
