in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
