I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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