he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
