i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
