my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
