like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
