All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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