he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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