if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
