a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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