Can i not drive my cunt home
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
