dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize