Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
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Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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