Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
