Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
