Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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