dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
