The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
