Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My vagina is very pro this idea
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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