I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
