He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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