We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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