we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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