the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
