Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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