If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize