i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
