I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
