walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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