After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
