A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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