Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
