It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
