His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
