I seem to have left my pride at pride
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
