I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
