i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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